Queer Vampire Game Jam is coming to a close, and with that is the initial release of the demo for Blood & Play, a gay, safe for work, T4T visual novel that our team has been developing for the past two months.

I should probably preface this blog post with a major disclaimer before we go further along: I (BáiYù) will probably be rambling about different, rough, barely connected thoughts, and Blood & Play will likely be the last visual novel that I will be leading development on for a while. I had actually meant to pivot to developing in RPGMakerMZ for my personal projects at the start of 2024, but when I had seen the length and rules of the Queer Vampire Game Jam and thought about an old concept of mine that was rejected in a different vampire story, I realized that this would be my chance to explore that idea in full.

To be honest, writing this post is strangely difficult for me as someone who has written devlogs for numerous other teams. I don't know who will read this or who would be interested in seeing my thoughts as a game developer rather than a resource/tutorial writer, and as my productivity timer ticks down, I feel like I'm throwing words at a page out of obligation before I head into my day job tomorrow. I don't have the time to edit this to flow well, so bear with me if you're still here.

I think plenty of people will relate to the feeling of having found certain media that truly speaks to them on a deeper spiritual level. If they're lucky, they'll have several of these moments. I can personally only count these moments for myself on one hand, and the majority of those only within the last 3 years. I've tried so hard to get into popular shows and games but no matter what I do, I can't seem to get the appeal. Working to earn enough to support two adults for over half a decade and constantly having to find paying gigs leaves little time for leisure so when I do find something I like, everyone else has already moved on. It's a little isolating to look around and find nothing that feels like I was the exact person something was made for, and sometimes I can't tell if it's the depression talking or if it's the way entertainment has changed.

On Cohost, I've been describing Blood & Play as a story about the intersection between debt, disability, & transgender healthcare. Vampires in other popular media are often portrayed as powerful and wealthy figures of strong physical appeal, but to be quite honest, that power fantasy doesn't really interest me; it's not a reality I will ever live. I have dietary restrictions and have to limit the time that I'm active due to my chronic fatigue— why is this parallel to vampires not more common when they can only subsist off blood and stay active at night? Not to mention the history of bloodletting, a pseudo-medical practice that would prepare a perfect meal for them. It's an uncommon combination at best at the moment, and whatever legitimate results that Google is pulling up to me shows little critical acclaim for media that fills this exact niche. I'm willing to bet that fewer of those stories are queer in nature, transgender in nature, or specifically center trans masculine characters and their experiences.

With this context in mind now, I'll say this: Blood & Play is intended for me and maybe 20 other people at most. It's for me and my team. I'm putting my heart, soul, and a reasonable chunk of my wallet into Blood & Play. I don't need to compete with everyone else who's genuinely more invested in creating media in more popular genres and tropes because my heart wouldn't truly be into telling those stories. Fans of those genres get to be picky, meanwhile I am starving for stories that specifically cater to me. And sure, I'd like to at least break even on development costs, but having Blood & Play be a commercial success is secondary to my need for more media about the trans masculine experience.

I hope that one day I too can be picky about what media I can enjoy that has prominent trans masculine characters. For now, I plan to become utterly unhinged and write the game I wish existed a decade ago.